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Qualities To Look for in a Sex Surrogate

IPSA (International Professional Surrogates Association) states there are 40 surrogates throughout the United States. That does seem like a high number and perhaps not every listed surrogate is active. In addition, there are about 100 unregistered surrogates living in the country who, for whatever reason, don't feel they need to be registered with the IPSA or are unable to qualify.

There are surrogates that are knowledgeable and qualified to help you with sexual problems and that will do everything they can to ensure a satisfying therapeutic experience. There are also surrogates that are unqualified, not exceptionally knowledgeable or even unethical. It is very important when looking for a surrogate that you choose someone who is both qualified to assist you and willing to do their best in assisting you.

First, you should look for a surrogate that you will personally feel comfortable around. A surrogate should be comfortable with sexuality in general, their own and that of their clients. They should put the client at ease, encouraging him to be direct about sharing his feelings. In order to improve communication, surrogates should be warm, intelligent, compassionate, and empathetic. That is, empathetic, not sympathetic. Empathy requires being able to understand or comprehend the perspective of others. This involves having nonjudgmental attitudes about lifestyles and about other people's sexual preferences.

Beyond such personable qualities other factors come into consideration. A surrogate should be highly qualified in studies about sexuality and experienced in therapy. The surrogate's job, like the therapist's, will involve being observant, being a good counselor and having a scientific understanding of sex. The surrogate should able to perform physical or even sexual touching effectively without losing concentration or endangering the client's progress.

Also there is a great need for emotional maturity in a sex surrogate. They must be able to elicit strong emotions in their clients for the benefit of therapy. The client should feel comfortable, relaxed, and relieved to be in their company. In many ways, the client should "fall in love" with his surrogate-at least to the point of putting total trust in them and to get in touch with his own inner feelings. However, sometimes clients can go too far and develop strong romantic feelings for a sex surrogate even after the therapy ends. This is known as "transference" and is common throughout psychotherapy, not just surrogacy. A good surrogate will have the emotional maturity needed to deal with these types of situations. This would involve acknowledging the client's feelings, working with them and talking things out just as in any other type of personal relationship.

In such an intimate and emotional setting, ethical behavior is very important. To exploit a client's feelings would not only be unethical it would be dangerous to that person's psychological recovery. This is another reason why you should seek out certified surrogates who adhere to IPSA's principles.

A note about good looks. Beauty is a gift and in life, you often hear the expression "if you got it, flaunt it." Bear in mind though that sex surrogates are not there to look pretty for you. Surrogates come in different packages as relates to size, age and appearance. Physical appearance of the one helping you is the least important factor in resolving sexual problems. Even if increasing your libido is the goal of therapy, just seeing an attractive person is not going to help you in the long run. Therapy is about learning and communicating above all else.

It is very important to choose the right surrogate and therapist when you decide to seek sexual therapy. Though some therapists will assign a surrogate for you, some surrogates will make the initial contact with the client.

If a surrogate falls short of standard educational requirements, personable qualities, emotional maturity or professionalism, then the therapy you're paying for is practically wasted. You should only be seeking "serious" therapy and real solutions to sexual problems. Poor surrogate practices only contribute to the tainted reputation of legitimate surrogacy.


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