Anticipation is in the air; the mood is achingly sensual and has been that way all night. Dinner was great and the show was fantastic. Tonight is the night, she thinks and he hopes. They stand on the porch, both waiting for something magical to happen, both yearning for the night to continue. “Goodnight, love,” she says with a voice of restrained desire. She’s sending all the right signals and so he decides to take a chance. In a moment of fervid passion he kisses her. She kisses him back with fire. Before they can even shut the door behind them they’re all over each other and getting intensely physical. They make their way over to the bedroom. They undress each other as they giggle and sigh in ecstasy. She reaches for his manhood…
And then it’s over. He’s dreadfully embarrassed and she’s trying to hide her disappointed.
Premature ejaculation (or coming too quickly) can be an embarrassing sexual problem to deal with, and yet it’s one of the most common sexual problems among men, affecting 30% of the population. Not only can it be embarrassing it can be downright discouraging to both partners and even put an end to an otherwise healthy relationship. It can destroy a man’s confidence and sexually frustrate his partner. While inconsiderate lovers may not think of the condition as a serious problem, any one aiming to please his partner will want to get help. For many men, the best part of sex is pleasing their partner!
Diagnosing Premature Ejaculation
The term encompasses the loss of the male’s control both in early sexual stages as well as after penetration. In the 1950’s sex researchers including Masters and Johnson defined premature ejaculation as when a man ejaculates before a woman’s orgasm in more than 50% of sexual encounters. Other researchers claimed the term was applicable if a man ejaculated within 2 minutes of penetration, a claim later refuted by Kinsey. In the modern age, premature ejaculation refers to a general lack of ejaculatory control that can lead to sexual or emotional problems in relationships.
The condition is common among younger men, and by in large is attributed to early “conditioning.” Teenagers’ sexual experiences (especially masturbation) tend to be quick whether to avoid being caught or because of youthful exuberance. The body then learns to orgasm and ejaculate as soon as possible. However, this is not true in every case. Many middle-aged men also suffer from quick climax and some younger men who masturbated frequently in their youth reported no trouble with premature ejaculation. The underlying reasons for this condition vary; it could be anxiety, learned behavior or a sign of inhibition.
There could also be a number of psychological factors involved. If a man is overly nervous about sexual activity then this could cause a loss of control. Some people reason that alcohol can be treatment against “nervous” premature ejaculation but there is no evidence that suggests this is true. We know alcohol is a general sex buster and over-drinking can lead to impotence.
Dismissing a serious problem like premature ejaculation could prove disastrous for your sex life now and in the future. While some men might be embarrassed to seek help for such a condition, it is far more preferable to treat the problem than continue to suffer during intimate moments.
What Kind Of Treatments Are Available?
Sometimes in mild cases of premature ejaculation self-prescribed remedies are tried by frustrated lovers. Some of these are distraction techniques, whether mental (think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts…), or physical (pinch yourself read hard, bite the pillow), or are merely short-term fixes like buying some “stay hard” gel at your local convenience store. However, these solutions usually prove ineffective in treating the real problem. Distraction techniques defeat the whole purpose of the encounter, which is to enjoy sex. Treating the problem with over the counter drugs is a risk, not to mention a weekly shopping embarrassment. Some anesthetics can dull the sensations for you and your partner and may end up making you both numb. Drugs can also cause a skin reaction or worse yet, a medical condition known as a priapism (five-hour erection) that will be twice as embarrassing to treat in the ER than shopping at the drugstore was.
Another common treatment is for a doctor to prescribe antidepressant drugs, which are known to sometimes produce a side effect of longer lasting erections. However, this is also a risk. Antidepressants are powerful drugs, not only capable of delaying ejaculation but also causing erectile dysfunction, along with other sexual and physical side effects. If you feel medication is your only option be sure and speak with your doctor first. Constricting penis rings have also been tried before, but have yet to offer any long-term solutions to an age-old problem.
The Best Solution
The best solution in treating premature ejaculation is not to use a quick fix every time you want to have sex. Rather, it’s learning how to control your body, your penis, your desire and lastly your climax. Like any other form of exercise, sex requires education if you want to do it right. Sex surrogate therapy can be your personal trainer in teaching you how to overcome premature ejaculation and last longer in bed.
Surrogates work closely with therapists and determine along with the client the most effective way to treat sexual problems—with long term positive results. Unlike taking penile drugs, surrogate therapy is not a risky quick fix. It’s sexual education that you can keep for the rest of your life.
Actual activities that will be used in therapy sessions will be left up to the sex therapist and surrogate to determine. Techniques used may include relaxation tips, visual, aural or kinesthetic practices, flexing the “PC” muscle, physical exercises or even the famous Master and Johnson “grip” method that can prevent a man from climaxing even when it’s imminent. Please note that many men or couples try and learn the Masters and Johnson technique on their own, but usually end up doing it wrong. It is a somewhat complicated procedure and should be taught by clinical professionals to avoid injury and of course, premature ejaculation.
The good news is that premature ejaculation is treatable. The longer you wait to get help the more embarrassing it will be and the more it will crush your self-esteem. Look into sex surrogate therapy as a permanent solution to a common problem and make sure your next date is a passionate one from beginning to end.
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